Natural High recently posted an entry about the concept of appreciative listening, showing that we’re more likely to meet challenges by asking “what’s right here” than listing everything that’s wrong with the situation.
By listing negatives, that’s where we place our focus; then we miss potential solutions. Appreciative listening reminds me of the Kabbalistic practice of seeking out the areas in one’s life that are running smoothly and strengthening those rather that focusing all of one’s attention on things that are not going well.
Obsession with answers in areas of doubt only strengthens our doubt. We make progress through certainty, not by adding energy to our problem areas. By reinforcing what’s good in our lives, we bring more light into our lives and clear our minds and find solutions where we previously saw none.
That is so cool that Kabbalah works with this simple but powerful principle! It really has opened my eyes to why I don’t get results by typical problem solving techniques.
Hi Natural Hight,
When we see something broken, it’s natural to try to fix it whether it’s a window or a leaking kitchen faucet. Yet this approach, as we’re finding out, doesn’t work quite so simply when it comes to large, complex issues. Perhaps the phrase “problem solving” isn’t such a good one, for it draws us to the thing as “bad” rather than the thing as a challenge.
You might be interested in the next step of Appreciative Inqury, To Dream
http://naturalhigh.wordpress.com/2007/02/17/to-dream/
I will cover all 4 steps of the process.
Knightofswords –
Problem solving leads to more problems, definitely. It becomes a justification, and a personal sense of satisfaction that one could solve a problem.
From my experience it is the basis for many man-to-woman communication issues. Men try to solve the problems they hear about and woman just want them to listen.
I have been trying this principle out a bit and I am liking the results.
in2L:
Lack of listening spirals into larger “problems” which then need to be “solved” by “fixing them.” It’s kind of a rat race in and out of marriage.
knightofswords – Yes, it is a rat race! For me it is this thing I do 24/7 and cannot seem to stop!
This morning my wife was celebrating some great results in her work. She overcame a difficult problem. Stupid problem-solver that I am, immediately started talking about she needed to do things to avoid the same problem in the future! She knew that, and she did not want her positive mood struck down by negative thoughts.
Very thoughtless of me!