An Immodest Proposal

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The SPAM I Grew Up With

During the three years I’ve had this blog, I’ve made 415 posts, received 1,527 real comments and watched the Akismet filter trash 22,014 attempted SPAM comments. Without a doubt, none of the trashed comments were about the Hormel product I grew up with.

I’ll stipulate that I feel a slight–but fleeting–sense of embarrassment having to report that spammers have been busier trying to add their thoughts to the flow of words on Malcolm’s Round Table than I have.

And they’re bolder. I post something about Glacier, a spammer says, “Hi Dude, this reminds me of a place to get cheap Viagra.” I post something about one of my books, and here comes a long spam message about an automotive training school in London.

Most of these comments don’t see the light of day, thanks to Akismet.

I know this might sound like bribery, but I have a proposal, one that may sound a bit vain and immodest. When I see virtual SPAM, I ask “what’s in it for me?” That is, why should I provide free Internet space to somebody I don’t know who sells Viagra for a living?

But there could be something in it for me. For each spammer who buys a copy of one of my books (you have three to choose from), I will make a deal with Akismet to let you tell the world about your Viagra, downstream Internet marketing system, or your teliseminar about weight loss in the comments section here.

Simply buy a book, read it, enjoy it (or else) and post a glowing review on Amazon that proves you really know what the book’s about, and then send me your SPAM. You help me, I help you.

Send me a comment with your real name, picture, home address, Amazon account number and tell me what you think.

Otherwise, I much prefer the SPAM I grew up with.

Malcolm

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5 responses

  1. I believe Akismet is one of the best plugins ever invented. I’m sorry to report that there are far more comments listed in the spam category on my blogs too. I certainly hope you will do a follow-up to the proposal you’ve offered here. I just want to know if some of those spammers can actually read. I already know they have difficulty writing.

    • Spamming appears to be a full time job. I know spamming requires very little knowledge of the language! We’ll see how many spam comments Akismet blocks on this post.

  2. I was never a big fan of the original spam, but I still like it much better than today’s version. I’m always amazed at the spam comments aimed at some of my very old posts that get very little traffic at all now.

    • SPAM was one of those things we had a lot to “make do.” As for virtual SPAM, the thing that I would most like to ask spammers is why not target your SPAM? Not that I would let it get through. But I wonder why it has nothing to do with my posts. Seems like a waste of time. I guess I’m not cut out to go into the SPAM biz.

      Malcolm

  3. Not even close…

    SPAM that begins with a message like “I really enjoyed your post and am adding a trackback” or “Very interesting post; thanks for sharing your insights” doesn’t get past Akismet–or met either. Give it another shot, guys.

    Malcolm