10. Stolen race horses are hot.
9. Donald Sutherland will wow audiences when he brings his pyromaniac persona from “Backdraft” to the fiery preacher Cotton Mouth’s fornication Sunday sermon.
8. MGM needs the money.
7. In the role of Bambi, troubled actress Lindsay Lohan will get her career back.
6. I need the money.
5. Global audiences want to see Megan Fox both in and out of character Monique Starnes’ little black dress.
4. Boston is losing credibility because it hasn’t banned a film in years.
3. While his name won’t fit on the marquee, former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will bring credibility in the role of the Mayor Clark Trail.
2. As Jock, Viggo Mortensen will put the proper spin on such memorable lines as “when you see a toilet that needs flushing, the best thing you can do is yank its chain.”
And now, the number one reason why MGM should make “Jock Stewart and the Missing Sea of Fire” into a blockbuster, Oscar-nominated film:
1. America needs an ass-kicking journalist to serve as a better role model than the reporters at CNN and Fox News.