I put on my best suit this morning for the yearly pilgrimage over to the “On the Run” shoppe at the Exxon station for stocking stuffers. While browsing, I enjoyed a giant sausage biscuit, several Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a giant cup of coffee with a dash of skimmed milk in it.
Shopping at Exxon isn’t as much fun as it was in the old days when it was called Esso (still is in Canada) when potential stocking stuffers included spark plugs, fan belts, radiator hoses and clamps. These days, service stations don’t know anything about your car anymore exept that it needs gasoline.
While healthy and tasty, those greasy sausage biscuits don’t mesh well with the other stuffers in the stocking, especially after sitting there for a few days and attracting the cats. So, it’s all packaged delights this year: beef jerky, fried pork rinds, Twinkies, Snickers, gum and more gum, Lance crackers and a quart of Quaker State.
I felt good about myself and my purchases when I left the store, especially when I heard on the radio that a lot of people haven’t even started Christmas shopping this year because they were either drunk or thought that if they closed their eyes, it (Christmas) would go away. Those who did remember at the last minute were down at ritzy stores like Walmart and BestBuys the feed & seed using up 2-3 tanks of Exxon gasoline looking for a parking space.
The gifts hadn’t yet been wrapped (not counting the stocking stuffers), so I hit that project as soon as I got home. Since my wrapped presents usually look like they’ve been used as clay pigeons and/or run over by an F-150, I hung the paper between to pine trees and and blasted away at it with my 12-gauge and some #4 shot. Then I backed the tractor over it.
I put the resulting mess in a 33-gallon leaf bag along with the unwrapped gifts, shook it up, and attached a bow on top. It’s going to be a big hit.
I hope your stocking stuffers, gifts and wrapping are under control. If not, just say you couldn’t find a parking place at the feed & seed and that the gifts over at Exxon had already been picked through by long-haul truckers.
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