The Twisty Word from WrenchCon 5201

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Orlando, Star-Gazer News Service, November 9, 2015–The 5,201st annual WrenchCon concluded here today with a rousing speech by Susan Spanner called “I’m Gonna Wrench Those Blues out of My Life.”

wrenchconWrench inventors from across the country found that every major speaker and small group leader was putting a positive twist on wrenches after a year when big media trounced indie wrenchers with charges of patent infringement and shoddy work just to get their creations before the public eye.

“In today’s global economy, we need a diversity of independents entering the arena rather than the same old, same old BIG TOOL getting all the action,” said Spanner. “This market needs the innovation of the indie grip.”

The 5,201st meeting of WrenchCon got off to a chaotic start when a flurry of typographical errors in posters, direct mail and the convention web site inadvertently–one supposes–advertised the event as WenchCon, proclaiming that “Wenching with pros will improve your technique.”

wrench2Once the wenchers and wrenchers were sent to separate sections of the newly-remodeled Roadkill Convention Center on Lake Alligator, a full schedule of seminars, discussion groups, and pitch-your-wrench meetings made the week well worth the money in spite of the usual injuries, according to exit surveys.

Subjects included:

  • Do wrenchers owe end-users 24/7 access on the social media?
  • Can inventors be more creative with the open-end wrench or the box-end wrench?
  • Getting your crescent-style wrench in to Home Depot and Lowes.
  • Minimalism and the all-but-forgotten Allen wrench.
  • Power tools and socket wrenches did not ruin the business.
  • Don’t base your promotion on lame sentiments such as “the first day I knew I wanted to be a wrencher.”

The highlight of the convention for most attendees was a personal meeting with a professional wrench agent who listened to their best “elevator pitches” and then offered suggestions for improvement. The winner of the Best Damned Pitch Award, Harvey Torx, was offered a long-term contract with the Twist Your Nuts Tool Company.

“My stardust driver will out screw a Phillips or slot head every day of the week and twice on Sunday,” Torx said.

The general public had a chance to twist and grip samples of the latest in wrench design at Saturday’s wrench fair where inventors autographed their tools and gave out plenty of swag and/or swagger.

According to informed sources, even those who thought they were in Florida for a wench convention enjoyed the Southern Comfort and the product demonstrations.

Ben Walker, who drove to Orlando from Rome, Georgia, said, “More than once, I found myself exclaiming, ‘I didn’t know you could do that.'”

A family business representative from New York City, Salvador Lucchese, said “I could kill for some of these wrenches–not to mention, with them.”

“I was planning to go into the gigolo business,” said Marty Smith, “until WrenchCom 5201 showed me that the twist didn’t come and go with Chubby Checker.

Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter

 

 

 

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2 responses

  1. Every time I start to do something mechanical I find that the wrench I need hasn’t been invented yet, which is probably why the nut was loose in the first place.