Rome, Ga, August 22, 2016, Star-Gazer News Service–When author Malcolm R. Campbell scheduled cataract surgery this week for his left eye, he learned that he will be the first man in his town to receive a used golden eagle eye instead of an artificial lens (called an intraocular lens, or IOL).
Ophthalmologists report that eagles have five times the number of light receptor cells in their eyes as humans, so it was “just a matter of time” before humans were offered a chance to upgrade.
“So far, the service is only available for those undergoing cataract surgery,” said Waterfall Jones, head of the Eagle Eye Research Center of the Department of the Interior. “In time, all humans will be given the option of receiving eagle eyes at birth if not sooner.”
Campbell, who is a long-time member of such groups as the Sierra Club and the National Wildlife Federation expressed reservations about the used golden eagle eyes due to the fuzzy nature of the “used” concept.
“It’s not like golden eagles upgrade their own eyes and offer their older eyes at a used eye lot for resale,” Campbell said. “However, I learned that the eyes come only from golden eagles with organ donor cards.”
“Eagle whisperers working in the national parks have had a continuous dialogue with the birds for fifty years, finally winning their trust along with signed consent forms for the donation of eyes,” said Jones.
According to spokesmen who have elected to remain anonymous to avoid bad publicity claim that Campbell will not only be able to see a reader turning the pages of a book from a mile away, he will also be able to fine tune his books into best sellers, especially in areas frequented by golden eagles.
“Within a few years, we’ll be able to create golden eagle eyes in the laboratory,” Jones said. “This will create an unlimited supply even though the eyes will be hideously expensive and will not be covered by Medicare or private insurance. People will have to ask themselves just how much it’s worth to be able to say ‘On a clear day I can see forever.'”
“I won’t have the night vision of an owl,” said Campbell, “but then I can buy lamps and flashlights at Home Depot and owls can’t.”