‘We need to get rid of copyright’ says new copyright office tsar

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Washington, D. C. April 1, 2018, Star-Gazer Crystal Ball Service–During his confirmation hearings before the Senate, Joseph A. Doaks, CEO of Big Ass Feature Film and Music Productions (BIGASS), said that before the President nominated him to run the copyright office into the ground, he though copyright was a provision in the Bill of Rights that gave rich and power corporations the right to copy whatever they wanted without paying for it.

“I said ‘Yes,’ Mr. President, I’ll put my BIGASS stock into a quasi-blind trust and help people satisfy their copying rights.”

The confirmation hearings are the first tangible result of the so-called Copyright Reform Act of 2017 which proponents said would “rescue the copyright office from the safety of the Library of Congress and give it to the politicians and lobbyists so that the rights of the creators of original works would forever after be blowing in the wind.”

According to a spokesman for Rescue the Copyright Office, LLC, “Think about this. Why should some rich, former welfare mother in England control the entire Harry Potter world? There are millions to be made here. But she says ‘no.’ This is undemocratic. We need a law that lets Congress decide whether it’s okay to start production on our movie HARRY POTTER GETS LAID and on a proposed new SLYTHERIN GANGSTA RAP musical.”

Doaks said that he supports the Copyright Reform Act “hook, line and sink her” when it comes to people like Rowling.

“Sure, the little people sit in their garrets and write this stuff,” said Doaks. “But they are few and far between. The rest of us have less talent. Without the right to copy and create related works, we have no way of making a living. We need to get rid of copyright because it protects the needs to the few over the right to take what we can and make whatever we can from it.”

After consulting with film and music producers and distributors and their lobbyists and tallying up recent campaign contributions, Senators are expected to approve Doak’s appointment.

Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter

 

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